Vince Staples: Big Fish Theory

Vince Staples - Big Fish Theory

Dash Majesty: “Hey, so we finished writing a review of Big Fish Theory last night, the latest experimental album by Long Beach rapper Vince Staples.”

Lifeguard: “Cool! How did you approach it?

Dash Majesty: “Well we just ended up listing several quotes from the 2003 Sony Pictures film Big Fish, quotes that summarise our thoughts abou-”

Lifeguard: “I’m not really a fan of the premise… It sounds like you’re trying too hard.”

Dash Majesty: “Oh.”

Lifeguard: “I suppose you could go back and include this conversation in it. You won’t come across any less pretentious, but at least it will show you’re self-aware; a lot of online arts magazines don’t even have that going for them these days.”

Dash Majesty: “Exactly! And besides, the point of any review, really, is to get an audience to listen to, buy, watch and/or support the thing you’ve written about. Although, saying that, who spends time reading a 500+ word album review anymore? We know we don’t. We’ll open a review, sure, but we’ll skip straight to the music and, usually within the first 10 seconds of listening, form an opinion of our own.

Lifeguard: “Well maybe in addition to listing quotes taken from the 2003 Sony Pictures film Big Fish, a film which New York Magazine’s Peter Rainer described as having moments of genuine emotion, you could rate the album out of 5 at the end as well? It would serve as a clear visual indicator that people could use to see what you think about the album without having to read a single word.”

Dash Majesty: “I don’t think any of us have ever thought about what a list of criteria for doing that would look like.”

Lifeguard: “To be honest it seems like it can be pretty arbitrary.”

Dash Majesty: “Fine. We’ll try it out.”

Lifeguard: “Great!”

Dash Majesty: “I think that guy over there might be drowning.”

Quote number 1

A man tells his stories so many times that he becomes the stories. They live on after him, and in that way he becomes immortal. Will Bloom

Quote number 2

There are some fish that cannot be caught. It’s not that they are faster or stronger than other fish, they’re just touched by something extra. Young Ed Bloom

Quote number 3

I don’t think I’ll ever dry out. Senior Sandra Bloom

Quote number 4

Church people drive too slow. Will Bloom

Dash Majesty Rating

Dash Majesty Rating: 4/5

Listen to Big Fish Theory