Listening to Collapse Under The Empire makes us want to write, direct and star in our own BBC 1, gritty, suspenseful, good-cop-gone-bad-gone-good-again TV show.
The show would probably be called What Happens in the Darc, a clever play on the lead character’s name, Robert Darc. DI Darc would be your average loose cannon cop-gone-bad-gone-good-again: witty, charming, Scottish and incredibly brusque.
By episode two, viewers would already be able to recite RD’s catchphrase without fault, “HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT YOU UNDERSTAND ROBERT DARC? NOT EVEN ROBERT DARC UNDERSTANDS ROBERT DARC!” No one, that is, except for his robot cop colleague, Dylan Matthews.
Dylan Matthews would be your average robot cop colleague: mostly silver, heavy and incredibly Welsh. The only thing that could rival the beauty of Dylan’s polished exterior would be his intellect. An intellect that we imagine would drive any robot cop to feel inside how the orchestral Dark Water makes us feel inside – emotionally overwhelmed.
The setting for What Happens in the Darc would be a dystopian Hamburg, the home of Collapse Under The Empire, a post-rock, electronic duo on the verge of releasing their sixth LP, The Fallen Ones. Having never toured an album before, the mission would be simple: organise a tour to support The Fallen Ones or the world ends. It would just so happen that Dylan Matthews is the only robot cop this side of the boarder with enough music industry knowledge to be able to pull it off successfully.
Having established a shared love for Mogwai, alluring synths and live music, this would appear to be a straightforward case for DI Darc and Dylan Matthews. But with just 17 hours until the tour is due to start, Dylan Matthews would be declared missing. With only a transferable tattoo and some raisins to his name, Robert Darc would stop at nothing to bring Dylan Matthews back, finding out what it really means to risk it all, and what really happens in the dark.
Very good album though. It’s out tomorrow (Friday 20th October).
Dash Majesty Rating
Pitch What Happens in the Darc, on our behalf, to Collapse Under The Empire via their Facebook page. Hack into their website and create a page filled with small lines of dialogue that could be used in the first series of What Happens in the Darc.